Remaining Positive In The Face Of Adversity

Positive Thinking Word Cloud ConceptYou will hear personal development gurus across the world telling you to “think positive” and “stay positive” all the time and this is easy when life is going well, you have a job, enough money, your relationship is good and you and your loved ones are healthy.

But what do you do when life comes crashing down around your ears?

This is where many of these gurus will fall silent because it is easy to stay positive when things are going well; the challenge is to keep positive when things are not going so well. This is when it really tests your resolve and your ability to remain positive and keep on going.

About five weeks ago our seven year old son was diagnosed with leukaemia. As you can well imagine, this sort of news makes your world come crashing down around you. Everything stopped. Everything got forgotten about and nothing was more important than making sure he was okay.

The initial news was a shock of the sort you should never, ever have, and it was really hard to be positive, but the doctors reacted quickly and sent him to the best children’s hospital in the country where he has had the best treatment and care that I could have asked for. They doctors, nurses and staff are absolutely amazing and have been from the moment we set foot in the hospital.

When we got to the ward we quickly became more positive because running around the ward unchecked were a few kids, all completely bald from chemotherapy that were on the road to recovery. Suddenly the ‘L word’ didn’t seem quite so scary and there was a ray of hope. We met other parents who were very friendly and helpful, sharing a common bond with us.

We met the doctors and the nurses who took the time to speak to us and tell us what was going on, which was incredibly helpful. They reassured us and told us that he had ALL leukaemia which had a very high cure rate and he was going to undergo treatment immediately for it. We were out of hospital and home within two weeks, returning on an out-patient basis for his treatment.

After spending those two weeks in the hospital we got talking to other parents whose children had leukaemia and cancer and we realized just how lucky we were! Yeah, lucky he had leukaemia … there was a lot of children there with a lot worse and we were grateful he only had leukaemia. The other parents told us about the treatment and care, reassuring us that it was brilliant and there was light at the end of the tunnel. The help, advice and support from them helped us to keep positive and feel better about the situation.

Our friends and family rallied around us and offered support that has been absolutely amazing and we are so grateful for their help and support in every way, it really made a tough situation much easier.

Now our son is at home, he too has lost his hair, we get sleepless nights and it is difficult dealing with him as he is in pain and tired a lot of the time. However, we are keeping our focus firmly on the end result, in three years he will be healthy, free from leukaemia and able to lead a completely normal life.

Staying positive in this situation is very hard and we were surprised to find that other parents just could not cope and I must admit, neither of us had realized there was an option to not cope! I figured that you had no choice but to roll with it and get on with it as your child is relying on you, but obviously that isn’t always the case!

We could have looked at the negative points – he had leukaemia, he was ill, he was in hospital and so on, but we have kept our focus on the positive, literally living from day to day – I have no idea even what day of the week it is most of the time at the moment because we are just getting through one day at a time.

We’ve focused on the fact he is in the best hospital in the country being treated by the leading experts in the field who have had success after success treating this type of illness. We have focused on looking after him and our other children and on the well wishes, support and assistance from our friends and family.

The challenge in times of stress when life is going bad is to look for the positive. Sometimes it can be hard, but keep asking yourself “What’s good about this?” and “How can I make the most of this?”. These and similar questions help keep your focus on the positive and away from the negative. It may be very hard to find the positive, but if you search for it and keep asking the right questions you will find it; it is there but it may be obscured.

In our challenge here it is going to be a long road – we have three years of treatment and it is going to have its ups and its downs. There will be very positive times but there are going to be times when the positive is going to extremely difficult to see. Seeing him able to move around after not being able to walk is wonderful, but there will be downs and keeping our focus on the positive is going to help us to keep going throughout this difficult time.

It is when life throws you a curved ball that you are challenged to stay positive and show your true colours. If in these times you ask yourself the right questions and keep your focus on the right things then you can get through it a lot easier. With your focus on the positive you can get through life’s challenges – just keep asking yourself the right questions and it is much easier to keep yourself positive and get through the problems facing you.

Try my Perfect Positivity hypnosis program which will help train your mind to be more positive. Click here for more information.

To Judge Or Not To Judge – The Danger Of Assumptions

Starting_The_ChallengeI was waiting for the bus yesterday to come back from our local town and it was running later, which is not that unusual. In fact, it was sat just up the road, in plain sight where the bus drivers stop and take a break before their next route.

It was a few minutes late and I started to hear people in the queue muttering about the drive. “What’s he doing standing around on his phone”, “He’s late, why’s he standing there on his phone?” and so on. People were moaning about the fact he was stood outside his bus on his phone. It looked like, from this distance, he was enjoying a longer conversation on the phone and taking a longer break than normal.

A few minutes later he finished on the phone and got on his bus. Then he waved everyone over, and like good citizens we all went, with most of the queue mumbling about having to walk a hundred yards or so and being derogatory because the driver was running late and had been on his cell phone.

As we were getting on the bus the driver apologized for each person as they got on saying that the bus wouldn’t start and he’d called an engineer. Shortly after everyone had got on the bus a van pulled up next to the bus, an engineer jumped out, reeled out two huge jump leads and gave the bus a jump start. Off we went, only ten or so minutes late.

Were there some red faces on the bus?

I’m sure there were. Many of the people in the queue were passing judgement on the driver without being in possession of all of the facts. They didn’t know why the driver was outside of the bus on his cell phone. They assumed he was making a personal call and taking a longer break. Many of these people were quite derogatory about the bus driver and bus drivers in general because they had assumed the driver was being lazy.

In fact the driver was doing his very best to minimize disruption to the passengers and ensure they could all get on their way as quickly as possible.

We all jump to conclusions without being in possession of all the information necessary for us to come to an accurate conclusion. Think about your life right now and how you make assumptions. Do you assume a meaning from something your partner says and get annoyed only to find out you were wrong? Do you jump to a conclusion after seeing something and make an assumption?

An example I often use in seminars is if you were to see me from across the road kneeling down next to someone hacking at their arm with a knife, what would you assume?

Just think about it for a moment, what would you assume?

Most of you would assume I was assaulting the person with a view to robbing them.

What if I was removing his arm to prevent gangrene killing him? What if they had been bitten by a zombie and I was removing their arm to stop them becoming a zombie?

We are all guilty of leaping to conclusions without being in possession of all of the facts. For some people, they are Olympic class athletes in this sport.

Watch your thoughts over the next week and see if you can notice when you are leaping to conclusions and making assumptions about the meaning of something without being fully aware of the circumstances and facts. Look at the people around you and notice how they too are jumping to conclusions and making assumptions, often triggering malicious gossip based on just a fragment of the necessary information.

Work to stop yourself from making these assumptions and passing judgement until you know all of the facts. It’s good enough in a court of law and is even better in improving your every day life.

How You Can Have More Confidence Today!

creating confidence imageOne of the biggest challenges I hear from people is that they need more confidence. Whether you want more confidence in dealing you’re your family, your partner or your work colleagues, you can get more confidence much easier than you may think.

People suffer under the misconception that “That’s just the way I am”.

It’s not just the way you are, it’s just the way you are now and the way you are now is based on decisions and actions you took in the past.

So, if you keep making the same decisions and taking the same actions then you will continue to get the same results. Really, you will.

But if instead you were to make some new decisions and take some different actions, you’ll get some different results. Try it and see.

If you want to create a future where you are more confident then you need to make a decision now to take action to improve your confidence. One action you could take is to visit http://www.unlimitedconfidence.com and read some free resources on improving your confidence.

Would you like to be more confident?

If the answer is yes then resolve right now to make yourself more confident. Learn tools to become more confident, practice being confident and you will find you become more confident. The old maxim, “Fake it until you make it” really works because by faking being more confident you are fooling your sub-conscious mind into believing you actually are more confident and then before you know it you really are more confident!

Your level of confidence is not something you are born with and have to live with. It’s something you can choose to change at any time you desire … so make the decision now to have more confidence.

Action Point: Identify areas of your life you want to have more confidence in and take steps to make yourself more confident. Visit http://www.unlimitedconfidence.com and get the most complete, step by step training program to boost your confidence in EVERY area of your life using simple, yet powerful techniques that work!

Isn’t it about time you had the confidence you’ve always wanted?

You Don’t Want To Change Your Life!

Time To Change Your Life pictureChange is something that is happening all the time, all around us without us making any effort at all. We grow older without making an effort, we grow from children to adults without effort, our houses grow messy, without effort, our gardens grow untidy, without effort.

Change is natural and a part of all of our lives and is effortless. However, progress is something completely different.

Notice the difference in these two words, change and progress. This distinction between the two is very important, so what is different about them to you?

To me change is effortless and natural and doesn’t necessarily indicate that things will get better. Change is almost random and undirected, meaning change may not necessarily get you closer to your goals.

Progress though is different. It is directed change where you make changes to head towards a desired goal or target. It is consciously controlled and directed and part of a plan

Progress through change is usually accidental rather than deliberate, with the change just happening to be in alignment with your goal.

You want to change parts of your life, as do I, but you want to make progress in your life rather than just change.

Unfortunately for us all, making progress requires effort. Your house doesn’t magically clean itself. To make progress in keeping it tidy requires effort. Keeping your garden tidy requires effort. Your garden is changing all the time as everything grows, but to make progress in keeping it tidy requires effort on your part.

These subtle nuances of language actually make a massive impact on a sub-conscious level because words have meaning on a sub-conscious level that we don’t even think about.

When you use words your sub-conscious mind pays attention to the connotations (implied meanings) of the words whereas your conscious mind listens to the denotations (defined / dictionary meanings) of the words.

These can cause some conflict because the connotation and denotation of a word can be completely different.

When you talk about making changes, it implies struggle, hardship and it’s going to be difficult. By comparison, when you talk about making progress it feels much lighter, easier and less of a struggle. Just try saying to yourself, “I want to change my life” and “I want to make progress in my life” and see how different the two statements feel to you, even though they seem to be virtually identical.

Isn’t it odd how two words that are fundamentally the same thing can have such different feelings associated with them?

You don’t want to change your life, because that implies making random changes in the hope that one of them will be one you actually want.

What you really want to do is MAKE PROGRESS in your life, because this way you are directing your efforts towards a greater plan.

Action Point: Think about the progress you want to make in your life and notice how differently you feel when you think about changes and making progress. Start to talk about making progress rather than just making changes and notice the difference.

If you are feeling up to it this week, look at your language patterns and see how many conflicts are caused by differences between implied and defined meanings. Make a note of them and drop me a line with any you want to share, I’d love to hear from you!

It’s Not What It Is, But How You Look At It!

how you look at your problems picture

Everything in your life ultimately means what you perceive it to be. It’s your perspective that influence how you feel about everything and what the events that happen mean to you.

Whilst this may seem overwhelming for some, it means that instead of going through life feeling that your problems are overwhelming and too much for you to cope with, you can take control and change the meaning of them.

If you feel like you are adrift on the ocean and see land you might think it’s the best thing ever, but to someone who has been stranded on that island, desperate to get off, your small boat bobbing around on the cast ocean could be the best thing he’s ever seen.

What is a problem for one person can be viewed by another as an opportunity, and that is one of the key distinctions. It’s your perception of an event or issue that changes what it means for you and influences how you deal with it.

For example, if something happened in your life and you determined it meant life was going to be a struggle, then that is what it would mean to you. Yet if you changed that meaning it suddenly wouldn’t be a struggle at all.

You see this all the time with the people around you. Some people who are injured in accidents and paralysed will interpret that as the end of their life, yet other people will see it as an opportunity. You only have to watch the Para-Olympic games later in the year to see hundreds of inspirational stories of people who have chosen to see opportunities instead of problems.

Now you may be thinking, “But Jason, I can’t change what it means to me, that’s just what it means”.

Well, I’m here to tell you that of course you can and just by saying that you are programming yourself into the illusion that you aren’t in control of your life!

When you encounter something that drains your energy and makes you feel dis-empowered, such as a problem (or challenge) in your life, listen to your inner dialogue. How does it go?

Does it go something like, “Oh not, not again” or “Why does this always happen to me” or “I always seem to have such bad luck” or “Bad things always happen to me” or … anything similar – just listen to what you say to yourself – you will be surprised.

Whilst this is what you say automatically, you can change this and take control over your life and how you feel. Taking control of your feelings in this situation means that you are empowered to deal with the situation to your advantage. This doesn’t mean become an unfeeling robot that nothing bothers, but it means taking control of your life and being in a position of power, not weakness, for the issues life throws at you.

Whenever one of these little challenges rears its head in your life immediately start asking yourself questions. Questions change your state of mind by encouraging both your sub-conscious and conscious minds to provide answers. Positive questions encourage positive answers which put you in that position of power to be in control both of yourself and the situation.

start by asking yourself, “What is the best solution to this challenge for everyone involved” or “How can I … {whatever the challenge you’re facing} … and enjoy the process” or “anything similar. It needs to be a positive question that encourages solutions and empowers you, not one that shuts you don and stops you coming out on top.

Simply by asking questions you can start to change your perspective, which means you can start to take control. Once you are in control you can deal with the challenges life throws you from an empowered position, meaning you can find solutions more easily and use the changed perspective to make the most from life.

(Credit goes to the original artist for the picture, who sadly I don’t know)

Is That A Reason In Your Pocket?

There is something we all do, often without even being aware of it that puts the brakes on our success and stops us from achieving the happiness we both want and deserve.

It’s something that almost everyone does, but only the really successful are aware of.

You’re curious now, aren’t you?

Before I explain, let me just ask you a couple of questions …

Are you living the life of your dreams right now?

Are you earning the amount of money you want to right now?

Are you as happy as you would like to be right now?

And now for the million dollar question …

Why not?

Seriously, why aren’t you?

Think about that for a moment … why are you not living the life of your dreams? Why aren’t you as rich or as happy as you could be?

I bet you’ve got a lot of REASONS why, haven’t you? Or if not a lot, at least a few!

Let’s talk about the money one as I think all of us would be happier if we had some more money.

People have lots of REASONS why they don’t have enough money in their life, such as:

“I don’t have the right education”
“I haven’t had the right opportunities”
“I can’t seem to get that break”
“I can never think of an idea that’ll make me rich”
“I have too many bills”
“I just have to buy …”
“I can’t get a better job because …”

Do any of these reasons sound familiar? Maybe someone you know has used these or similar reasons to justify their lack of financial worth.

Ahh … I almost gave it away then!

“to justify”

Reasons that are used to justify why something hasn’t been done or achieved are not reasons they are EXCUSES!

You either do something or you don’t do it. You come up with excuses to justify to other people and yourself why you haven’t done / achieved it!

“I didn’t do the dishes as I was busy”
“I didn’t take the trash out as I was tired”
“I’m late for work because my dog ate my homework”

Excuses! Excuses! Excuses!

The reason I am writing about this is because I had noticed that I had lots of reasons why things weren’t getting done around the house – I was too tired, too busy, had too many other things to do. After 5 months of living in one of our houses, we still had the conservatory filled with boxes from moving in. I was fed up of all the “reasons” why this hadn’t been unpacked and decided to stop making excuses and get on with it. It didn’t take long to clear everything away once the excuses had been stopped and I started to take action.

It’s like this with everything in your life. You are here, reading this because you are someone who is unhappy with a part of your life and want to change it for the better. Whatever part of your life this may be, stop giving yourself reasons why not, and start giving yourself reasons why!

Are Your Reasons Holding You Back graphicYour reasons why for anything you want in life are your rocket fuel. The more powerful your reasons, the more rapid your achievement of that desire will be. Think now about the things you want to achieve in your life and look at all the reasons why you haven’t achieved it … yet … then drop the excuses and create some reasons why you can, and will, achieve it

Action Point: Think about your goals in life and get rid of the reasons why you can’t / haven’t achieved it and get yourself some powerful and motivating reasons why you can and will achieve it.

You will be shocked by how much you can achieve when you put your mind to it. Focus on what you want to achieve and get some powerful reasons behind you and in just a couple of years time your life will be unrecognisable compared to where you are now!

The Secret To Making Changes

The Secret To Making Changes pictureAs you know, I work as a clinical hypnotist as well as my online work such as this website. I see a lot of clients who come to me and they will say something like, “Can you make me stop smoking”, “Can you make me stop eating so much” or something along those lines which basically says “Please Jason, take responsibility for my problem and magically make me change so I don’t have to make an effort or suffer any hardship”.

Interestingly enough, this is something that I also see a lot of in my seminars. People come to the seminars expecting me to make changes in their life! It happens no matter whose seminar you attend or whatever book you read.

Some people attend these seminars expecting that the speaker will make the changes in their life for them, whilst they sit their passively listening and paying vague attention.

I’m sorry to burst anyone’s bubble here, but I did promise to tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but it really doesn’t work like that.

NO ONE ELSE CAN EVER MAKE A CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE!

That’s the truth. No one in this world can make you change. There is only one person who can make you change, and that is YOU.

You can decide at any time to make changes in your life and when you’ve made the decision you follow it through with action, including help from other people if necessary, and you will succeed at making those changes.

When I am talking about making decisions, I’m not talking about making a decision and then doing the opposite, for example deciding to lose weight and then going to sit on the sofa, watch TV and eat pizza. That doesn’t work, does it?

I’m talking about a DECISION where you burn your bridges and there is no going back. Where you having committed body, soul and mind to following through on the decision. The type of decision where you get results and make powerful changes.

If you are the sort of person who struggles to follow through on your decisions, then use the Be Decisive And Get What You Want program, which will work with your sub-conscious mind to make you more decisive.

Once you have made this Decision (and yes, it deserves a capital D), you will succeed because you throw all of your resources behind it and take consistent action to achieve it.

Everything you have in your life right now is there because in some shape or form, you’ve created it. You must take responsibility for these things in your life and accept that you’ve created them. Once you have done this, as part of deciding you are going to make the change in your life, you will find it much easier to make the changes.

Whether you are in debt, unhappy in your job or relationship or life, you have created it and as such, YOU are the one who can change it.

You’ll be interested to know I have another type of client who comes to me. They say something like, “I want to make this change in my life, can you help me to …”

Between the “I want to change” and the “Make me change” type of client, which one do you think gets the best results?

You’ve got it. The “I want to change” client gets the better and faster results, because they have already decided to make the change in their life and acknowledge the fact that they just need a little bit of external help to make the change happen. These clients also get permanent results, whereas the “make me change” clients often regress back because they didn’t really want to make the change anyway.

Action Point: Look at the areas of your life you want to change and acknowledge how you have created them and brought them about. Then make the decision to change that area of life and really commit to the decision. And then, you will make the change you desire.